Miracles

Am I expecting for a miracle? Maybe. If so, what's wrong with that. After all the struggle I've been through my life...am I at least not even allowed to hope for one? It's not as if what I wish for is totally beyond my reach. It can happen, and I want to believe that it will happen. It's not as if I want to be rich and famous in an instant. What I am hoping for is something basic, and I know I deserve it. Why? Because nothing in my life had been easy so far. I have met with fierce battle every turn I take. I'm a battle weary, beaten down soldier. I had to fight fiercely for everything I had ever wanted in my life. There had never been shortcuts. There had never been any help from others - it was me, myself and I all the way. Don't I get to choose what I want to do with my life? I am not being choosy or fussy. I have been miserable enough for a long time. I just know what I want, and by being strict with that, I strongly believe I should not be labelled "unrealistic".

There will be miracles, when you believe...isn't that how the song goes? There is no need to be sarcastic about what I believe. What I wish for might not happen, and I might end up being disappointed as always - but this time, my disappointment might be worse because it had been made known that my hopes for a miracle is seen as ridiculous, probably even laughed at.

My confidence has been utterly shaken - and my miracle, whether it comes or not...does not make any difference any more.

Knowing that hurts. Alot.